In the summer of 2020, as our nation erupted in protests over the killing of George Floyd, I found myself watching the news with a mixture of heartbreak and righteous anger. It wasn’t just the images of tear gas and fractured communities that cut me deeply; it was the unannounced visit of then-President Donald Trump to St. John’s Episcopal Church, Bible in hand, after peaceful protesters were forcibly cleared from Lafayette Square. As I heard Bishop Mariann Budde’s voice trembling with conviction in her condemnation of the act, my own spirit trembled in solidarity.
As an Episcopal priest, I felt the weight of that moment profoundly. The sacred space of St. John’s—a place of prayer, solace, and service—had been co-opted for a photo opportunity devoid of compassion or justice. I was angry, yes, but more than that, I was heartbroken for Bishop Budde, my colleagues, and our wider church family. And yet, what deepened my pain was the distance that formed between me and my immediate family in the aftermath.
When I tried to share my grief, they didn’t understand. To some, it was “just politics.” To me, it was a desecration of the very heart of our faith. Their inability to empathize or see why this mattered so profoundly to me left me feeling alone, misunderstood, and untethered from those I loved.
It was then that a wise senior priest offered me a lifeline: the words of Jesus in Matthew 12:46–50. “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers? … Whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.”
Through the years, this scripture has continued to ground me. It reminds me that in moments when family bonds falter, my true family is found in the shared faith, love, and commitment to God’s will that unites us as followers of Christ. This truth became a balm for my aching heart, offering me a way to remain compassionate and rooted in grace—even when the moral and spiritual divides in my life seemed unbridgeable.
The Challenge of Family During Divided Times
The holidays, often a time for family gatherings, can bring a particular kind of stress when those moral and spiritual divides resurface. This year, as the echoes of another contentious election season linger and the trauma of a first Trump presidency linger, many find themselves preparing for family gatherings with anxiety rather than anticipation. Conversations about politics, values, and justice can feel like minefields, and the divides between us—so apparent in the wider world—can feel insurmountable within the walls of our homes.
Whether you are stepping into a room full of conflicting views or choosing to step back for your own well-being, the words of Jesus in Matthew 12 offer a guiding light. They remind us that family is not solely defined by blood ties but by shared faith and a commitment to God’s will. This redefinition of family doesn’t diminish our love for biological relatives, but it frees us from the weight of unrealistic expectations and gives us permission to prioritize our spiritual health.
Staying Rooted in Prayer
If you have decided to attend a family gathering, staying rooted in prayer is essential. Pray before you go, asking for patience, wisdom, and peace. Pray during the gathering, inviting God’s presence into challenging conversations or tense moments. And pray afterward, seeking healing and restoration for your spirit.
Jesus’ example reminds us that our ultimate allegiance is to God and His will. Staying in prayer helps us remain connected to that higher purpose, empowering us to bring compassion and grace even when the atmosphere feels divided.
Setting Boundaries with Love
Jesus’ response in Matthew 12 also models the importance of boundaries. By prioritizing those who do the will of His Father, Jesus demonstrates that it is okay to lovingly detach from relationships or situations that hinder spiritual or emotional well-being.
At holiday gatherings, setting boundaries might mean choosing to disengage from certain conversations, stepping outside for a moment of peace, or leaving if the environment becomes harmful. Boundaries are not a sign of failure or weakness—they are a reflection of self-care and respect for your own well-being.
Remember, the same Jesus who redefined family also taught us to love one another. Boundaries, when set with love, can serve as a tool for maintaining peace and preserving relationships in the long term.
Choosing Self-Care
For some, the best choice for their mental, emotional, or spiritual health may be to skip the family gathering altogether. If this is the case for you, know that it is okay to prioritize self-care. Jesus’ words remind us that our family is not limited to those we are biologically related to; our faith family, those who walk with us in our journey of discipleship, is just as vital.
Choosing to spend the holidays with members of your faith community or in quiet reflection can be a life-giving alternative to a potentially toxic environment. Lean into the love and support of your spiritual family, knowing that God is present in those connections.
Faith and Family: Finding Balance
The holidays are not about perfect gatherings or unbroken harmony; they are about celebrating the love of Christ and the joy of God’s presence among us. Whether you choose to engage with family or seek peace in solitude, remember that you are part of a larger family of faith—one that is united by a shared commitment to doing the will of God.
Jesus’ words challenge us to shift our focus from the stress and expectations of family gatherings to the deeper truth of who we are in Him. We are God’s beloved children, part of a spiritual family that transcends politics, differences, and divisions.
Practical Tips for the Holidays
- Pray Before Making Decisions: Seek God’s guidance on whether to attend family gatherings or take a step back for self-care. Trust the Holy Spirit to lead you.
- Prepare Your Heart: Meditate on scripture, including Matthew 12:46–50, to remind yourself of your identity in Christ and the broader family of faith.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Accept that tensions may arise and decide in advance how you will respond with grace and self-control.
- Stay Connected to Your Faith Community: If family gatherings are difficult, plan time with your spiritual family to replenish your spirit. This could include attending church services, participating in a holiday ministry, or simply spending time with faith-filled friends.
- Leave with Peace: If you need to walk away from a gathering, do so without guilt. You are not abandoning family; you are honoring God’s call to prioritize peace and health.
A Season of Hope
This holiday season, let Matthew 12:46–50 remind you that family is more than shared bloodlines—it is shared faith, hope, and love. Whether you are navigating challenging family dynamics or leaning into the embrace of your spiritual community, you are never alone. You are part of a family of faith that transcends bloodlines and divisions, held together by God’s love.
May this be a season of healing, connection, and renewed faith as you seek to do the will of your Father in heaven. Wherever you find yourself this holiday season, know that you are deeply loved and that God’s peace is with you.
Thoughts, Prayers & Art 
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